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01 January 2020 @ 08:43 pm

+-+- Infected Sense The Insistent One -+-+

Hi guys. Most of my public entries are music recommendations or the occasional random meme. Assuming you've checked my user info for interests in common, if you want to be able to read my personal entries (a lot of angst, tends to get quite repetitive if I'm in a relationship I'm afraid) then feel free to leave a comment here and I'll add you back =)

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09 November 2009 @ 11:57 pm

Writer's Block: Instant attraction

Do you think romantic chemistry is instant or evolving? Have you ever given someone a second (or third) chance and lived to regret it? Have you ever fallen in love with someone you didn't particularly like or desire at first?

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I think attraction isn't necessarily instant, but chemistry has to be there or there's nothing to evolve to. I've never been given the opportunity to give someone a second chance. And as to the last, yes I have (I liked him as a person/friend straight away but wasn't physically attracted)...I've also thought it was "love at first sight" and been wrong (it was lust). I think the love is a lot deeper if they're not "your type" or basically you don't start out thinking they're gorgeous...in my experience if someone's looks come first, you can go off them a lot easier if they change their appearence. Nowadays I don't believe in love at first sight...I've thought it was love 3 times and I was wrong at least 2 of those.

Tags: writer's block

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07 November 2009 @ 08:46 am

Writer's Block: Opposites attract (sometimes)

In general, do you find yourself more attracted to people with similar or different interests, life experiences, political beliefs, and religious backgrounds? Do you think having some common interests/goals is essential for a successful relationship?

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Good question. I would say I've been in two relationships where physical attraction came first and we had little in common, one where we were great friends first and the attraction came second. Even though it didn't work out the latter was by far the better option. I think it's fine to like different TV shows or music, to have different friendship groups and interests, but personally some things are fundamental. I'm not overly political but I would imagine opposing views would create far too much conflict, ditto religion. For me personally I think friendship is the cornerstone of a good relationship, if you can imagine being friends with them outside of the relationship, then you're more likely to stand the test of time.

I can be attracted to anyone but the ones I really fall for, it's because I sense a deep connection, some inner "sameness", believing that we think alike or process the world in a similar way, have the same dreams maybe. Sometimes I'm wrong about it, but the people I'm truly drawn to in a can't-live-without-you sort of way, that's always been why.

So I guess I'm contradicting myself a little, haha. No, I do think if you have nothing in common, it's not too likely to work out. I've been there, if your life goals are different and you don't even want to watch the same shit on TV when you're at home either...it's really not cool. The better you can talk and laugh together as friends, the better your communication will be in the relationship =)

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07 November 2009 @ 07:06 am

It's on this TV

Showday.

It took me about 6 changes of outfit to pick one, but I felt great in it. ( It's all about the pleather and the rhinestones, baby. )

Here is a setlist, all the songs are right but the order may be a little off:
Human Drive-In Hi-Fi
Attached At The Hip
Escape From Hellview
Flesh Into Gear
Sink Into The Underground
My Promiscuous Daughter
Tripled Manic State (squeeee!!)
96 Quite Bitter Beings
The Boardwalk Body (!!!)
Disengage The Simulator
Rio Bravo
Shock And Terror
Inhuman Creation Station
A#1 Roller Rager (!!!)
Close Yet Far

No encore =(

( Read more... )

You know I said this venue is teeny? I'm six fucking feet away from him. When he screams I can see his tonsils.

Jesus Christ.

( Read more... )

I took a picture and 3 videos on my phone but my phone sucks so the quality is =/ You can't even tell how damn close I was. fhdasakghsdfkdla. Amazing.

Then we came home and got chinese and smoked some weed and watched the second half of 'Planes, Trains and Automobiles' =D

Then I woke up at 6am and all the memories flooded back and I had to come do this entry.

Jesus Christ.

Best CKY show ever <3

Current Mood:

indescribable

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04 November 2009 @ 10:31 am

Writer's Block: Change is good

If you could change one major thing about your life, whether a relationship, your job, your living situation, your school, etc., what would it be? Are you currently working toward a serious life transition?

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I am yes, in the sense that I'm currently single, unemployed and in London, whereas 3 months ago none of these things were the case.

The single part I'm cool with, the London part I'm fairly cool with.

I guess I need a job though, and I'm hoping it'll be one I actually like.

I'm living at home with my parents and brother, but we've just sold the house (I grew up here, we've had it for 25 years) and should be moving in January.

Don't know where we'll all be moving to though, I could live with my mum, dad or brother. I need a job first to have money for rent.

So, this is all a serious life transition, yes.

Tags: writer's block

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11 September 2009 @ 01:01 pm

Writer's Block: If stains could talk

If an annoying acquaintance got spinach between his or her teeth or an embarrassing salsa stain, would you tell them or let them suffer in shame?

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Weird but good question! My ex had the most awful habit of actually leaning over and picking stuff out of my teeth, in front of other people...How rude is that?? I get stuff caught in my teeth a lot because I have a gap there (I didn't wear my retainer for long enough after I had braces) and I get quite paranoid about it. But personally I am a fan of the indirect approach...if someone has something on their face or in their teeth it bugs me so I tend to wipe my face in the place the stain is on them or pick my teeth...I think if it was someone I actually liked as a person I'd discreetly tell them, but if I didn't like them I wouldn't =P

Tags: writer's block

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09 September 2009 @ 05:22 pm

Writer's Block: Finders keepers?

If you found a $100 at the library, would you pocket it or turn it in? What about at a diner or pub? Confess!

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I'd keep it. Let's be realistic here. If I find a wallet with bank cards and ID, I'd turn it in. But loose cash? Who's gonna claim it? What's to stop someone else from stealing it? Who loses a $100 bill in the first place? If I lost some cash I wouldn't go around asking if anyone handed it in...how would I prove it was even mine? So hell yeah I'd keep it.

Tags: writer's block

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02 August 2009 @ 06:05 pm

Never done one of these...

MAH ICONS.

default	oldest	newest


saddest	happiest	angriest


cutest	sexiest	funniest


fave ship	fave fandom	fave animated


best quote	best textless	best stolen idea


use the most	favorite

HOW MANY ICONS DO YOU HAVE: 15
OUT OF HOW MANY AVAILABLE ICONS SPACES: 15 I think.
IF YOU COULD BUY SPACE FOR MORE, WOULD YOU: Nah, mine are all out of date anyway and I don't have my ~~illegal~~ copy of Photoshop to make more =(
DO YOUR ICONS MAKE A STATEMENT: Umm, that I love Deron and enjoy Metalocalypse?
WHAT FANDOM DO YOU HAVE THE MOST ICONS OF: 6 Metalocalypse.
AND THE SECOND MOST: 5 Deron (techically 6 but one has Matt as well and I can't be bothered to put him joint first).
WHAT SHIP DO YOU HAVE THE MOST ICONS OF: I don't have any ship icons at the moment. Well, not unless you count the South Park one, hahaha.
ARE YOUR ICONS MADE MOSTLY BY OTHER PEOPLE: No, only 1 of the 15 is.
DO YOU MAKE ICONS: Used to.
ARE THEY ANY GOOD: Some were.
ANIMATED ICONS ARE: Cool but I like to make my own icons and I'm not good enough for animation.

DO THE MEME.
Coding can be found here

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31 July 2009 @ 11:18 pm

Writer's Block: Birthday Shout-out

Happy birthday, J.K. Rowling! Which of her seven Harry Potter novels do you think is the most satisfying read?

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My friends when I was fifteen were super into the series, so they made me read the first 4 books. I was wholly underwhelmed. Then one time I got bored and started reading the fifth book, but got bored pretty quickly since it seemed to be all Harry shouting "LEAVE ME ALONE!" (IN BLOCK CAPS) to show that he was a teenager and thus a moody bastard...uuugh. From what I read, Rowling is a fairly average writer, and I can understand why kids like the series but any adults that read them...seriously, they're pretty crappy. And obviously she was never going to kill any of the main child characters in the end. The whole 'Dumbledore was gay' thing as well, are you kidding me?? I hate how every book is a series now as well, don't even get me started on Twilight. The Harry Potter idea isn't the most original in the world, and through the first 4 books Harry is a pretty boring character. Maybe her writing got better, I never stuck around to find out.

But then, fantasy is my least favourite genre of fiction ;-)

Tags: writer's block

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25 June 2009 @ 05:13 pm

Back online for the time being.

CKY two weeks tomorrow sghgdhgasdhgdshjkgdh. It's all I can think about. Christ I feel fifteen again. 'Imaginary Threats' pretty much on solid repeat (finally got the damn album on my iPod, w00t).

Spent a night re-reading old fan fic stashed on this computer. I can't believe I wrote some of that stuff. It's kind of unreal how good it is. That sounds really vain, but. That's how I felt reading it. Like, did I really write this?? Even the stupid vampire stories I used to write when I was fourteen, the writing style for a fourteen-year-old is damn good. Point being: I wish I had finished more of what I started. Mainly 'Thanks For The Ride'. That damn fic. I had quite a little following going for that one way back when. And justifiably, I think. It's good. I wish I'd finished it. Maybe some day...

That's really all there is to say for now. ♥

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09 April 2009 @ 06:29 pm

If you were in perfect shape (not to say that you aren't), what would be your extreme sport of choice?

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I always wished I could skateboard. I have bad balance, though. Not to mention coordination...=(

What scientific or medical breakthrough do you most want to happen in your lifetime?

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My boyfriend wants flying cars. I wouldn't mind some virtual reality/holodeck technology. That'd be sweet. Although the line between fantay and reality is already pretty blurry for me, so I could end up in an institution if we had holodecks. But gosh, that'd be cool, a place where you could be anywhere, be anyone, have anything...

As the old saying goes, March comes in like a lion and goes out like a lamb. Weather aside, how did March come and go in your life this year?

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It was pretty good actually. Weather was nice for a change, work wasn't too horrible, Paddy's Day was fun, got mahself a shiny haircut...not a bad month at all!

What's the best vacation you've ever taken?

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Either of the two that I took without my parents, haha. Nothing wild or crazy, but they were fun innocent times with friends =)

Do you change clothes when you come home from work or class? What do you put on?

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Yep, I change out of my skanky work shirt that I never wash, and into some jammie bottoms (either my stretch velvet pants, or my boyfriend's sweat pants) and depending on how cold it is one of my boyfriend's huge t-shirts or my long-sleeved shirt with pink & black stripy arms ^_^ Oh, I take off my bra as well. Haha.

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26 March 2009 @ 01:57 am

dhsakjgfhkghakljhgkljhf just because I haven't flailed and keysmashed about this at all yet.

NEW CKY ALBUM 'CARVER CITY' ON MAY 18TH SHAKFGSDHKAJGHJKASHGKJAHK!!!!

Oh man. I am seriously psyched. Tonight I just totally rocked the live version of 'Hellions' and 'Woe Is Me' as well, and it made me search YouTube for random oldskool Deron shit and then dig out my Mr. Smalls and IDR DVDs...man I bought that Smalls bootleg and seriously never even watched it all the way through, that's how over CKY I was.

My love is totally rekindled, and I can't wait for this album (15 TRACKS DGHAGFHKJSAHGJKA).

I have missed these boys, I really have. Every time I think I'm not in love with Deron anymore...fucker steals my heart all over again.

♥♥♥

Current Mood:

excited

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21 February 2009 @ 12:49 am

Writer's Block: Adult Onset

Putting legal definitions aside, at what age do you think someone can really be considered an adult?

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I think it's impossible to set an age where everyone can be considered an adult. Some people are wise beyond their years, while others will act like immature dickheads forever. I think that the legal minimum ages set for sex (16 in the UK) and drinking alcohol (18 currently, although rumour has it it may go up to 21) are good ones. I also however believe that it's alright to transgress those, as some people are ready before that. And honestly, I believe that experimenting while you are young is a good thing. Take me for example, I started drinking a couple months before I turned fifteen, but for me it was always in a safe environment (as far as I'm concerned, house parties with my friends were a safe environment, anyway). It meant that I did all of the stupid puking and bad drunken sexual decisions (nothing major though) while I was young and dumb, and even if I had messed up badly, hey ho, off to uni at 18 to start again. It also meant that by the time I did get to uni, when drinking was legal for me and I, as many freshers were, was living away from my parents for the first time, I'd been drinking casually for long enough that I didn't go crazy at uni (although a lot of people do). That said, I do think the effects of alcohol can be scary and dangerous (I've never been a huge drinker) and for that reason, lowering the legal age wouldn't be a good idea. As for sex, I also believe there's nothing wrong with experimenting under the age of 16 (personally I didn't lose my virginity till just before I turned 17...it was the right time for me and I never felt any regrets...the things I did sexually when I was fifteen and sixteen though, oh boy I do regret those) as some teenagers are mature enough to handle it and do it sensibly and safely. But again, lowering the age would put even more peer pressure on young teens to have sex, than already exists.

I think it's personality and experiences that ultimately define you as an adult, not age. I am 21, 'legally' an adult, but I don't feel like one yet. But each year, as I grow and try to make it on my own in the world, fall in love and meet new people and face new challenges, I get a little closer.

I don't think I'll ever fully feel like an adult.

I think that anybody who can confidently and competently support themselves financially, is an adult. I could be wrong, though.

I think that anyone who can commit to a romantic relationship without trying to run away or sabotage it, is more of an adult than I am.

I think there's a huge rush to grow up now, when really I hugely enjoyed being able to act like a child, pretty much until I graduated from university.

Sex and alcohol I don't think should be experienced exclusively by those we consider, for whatever reason, 'adults'. I think there is a huge in-between stage between child and adult, and that's where all of the learning happens. That's when we should be experimenting, so that by the time we are older and legally considered adults, through our experiences we have an 'adult' understanding of these things, and of the world.

The end?

Tags: writer's block

Current Mood:

thoughtful

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30 January 2009 @ 08:32 pm

Writer's Block: Spoilers Below the Cut

Have you ever ruined the ending or given away plot developments in a book, movie, or tv show by telling someone who hasn't seen or read it what happens? Has anyone ever done this to you?

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Yep. When I was about 15 and Buffy The Vampire Slayer was in about season 6 I think, I was watching it on Sky 1 so was about a season ahead of the BBC broadcasts that my best friend was watching. I told her Buffy sleeps with Spike, lol. She got mad. As a peace offering I got another friend to tell me the twist of The Sixth Sense, but I didn't really care that much. Haha.

Tags: writer's block

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07 January 2009 @ 01:49 am

I don't do New Year's resolutions

I know what I have to do this year to make my life, and myself, better. So there's no point making a list: I'll either make the changes, or I won't.

Instead:

THINGS I WANT TO DO BEFORE I DIE IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER
1. Write and publish a novel. Don't care if it doesn't sell, I just want to do it. Good reviews would be nice though. If I write a shit novel I'll be depressed. Ideally I wan to write something innovative and pretensious and depressing as hell =D
2. Write and record an album. Write and perform all instruments and vocals myself. Produce it myself. I actually don't care about selling this one or anyone else liking it. As long as I love it and feel it's the best job I could possibly have done.
2a. Be able to play guitar, bass, drums and piano decently enough so I can write/play whatever the hell I want to.
2b. Take a music production course.
2c. Play in a band.
3. Learn to speak German.
3a. Visit Germany.
4. Do a parachute jump.
5. Get married.
5a. Fall in love (and not doubt it, I still don't know 100% for sure if I've ever been in love).
6. Spend a lot of time in America.
7. Find a career that I really love.

When I think of more, I will add to this list.

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14 December 2008 @ 04:26 pm

Writer's Block: Prophecy or Fallacy?

Happy birthday, Nostradamus. Many people consider the prophecies of Nostradamus to be uncannily accurate, while others remain skeptical. Do you think it's possible to predict the future?

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I don't believe it's possible to say "In 1500 years time this will happen" and actually be dead-on accurate, no. Like others have said, Nosradamus's predictions were pretty vague and could be put down to common sense or anaylsis of history. I think he was supposed to have predicted the nuclear age/nuclear weapons, wasn't he? But you could say that he was shrewd enough to realise that human beings would inevitably continue to evolve and as such create techological advances, including more destructive weaponry. Unless he actually specified dates, names etc., I can't say I believe that Nostradamus knew the future. If you really could see future events, why would you write them in the poeticly coded way that he did?

That said, I do believe in the tarot, but again it's largely based on the principle of 'if you continue along this path, this is the most likely outcome'. Since I don't see tarot as fortune telling this is really a whole other kettle of fish to deal with, which more concerns how much a tarot reader/the cards themselves can know about your present situation without you telling them.

Tags: writer's block

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08 December 2008 @ 08:04 pm

Writer's Block: Untimely Passing

RIP John Lennon. The list of sudden and unexpected celebrity deaths is long—Princess Di, Heath Ledger, Kurt Cobain, Marilyn Monroe, and many more. Which one affected you the most on an emotional level?

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None of them. I'm going to instead use this question to say that I hate the whole Princess Di hysteria that occured in this country (and is still being pursued by the Daily Express, lol). Actually, any celebrity that dies, people tend to make too big a deal out of it for my tastes. But Princess Di had to be the worst. I personally just...didn't care. Or, at least, no more than the slight pang of sadness I get when I hear that anyone has passed away, particularly before their time or in violent circumstances, like Di. But I detest the fact that she's basically been deified due to her sudden death. From the little that I know of her, I can't say that I cared for her as a person at all - I think Prince Harry is clearly of dubious parentage (*cough*jameshewitt*cough*), and the whole "look how much she did for charity" thing? Ugh. She had money and power, she used them. Of course any work anybody does for charity is good, but I don't think she was amazing for using a fraction of the money that she had to get in some photo opportunities helping needy children or whatever, when there are so many people who literally dedicate their whole lives to causes like that.

Tags: rant, writer's block

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20 November 2008 @ 07:50 pm

Writer's Block: Smoked Out

Beer and cigarettes once went together like bread and butter, but now smoking in bars is banned in many cities. When you see smokers standing outside bars in the cold and rain, what is your first reaction? Walk on by, join them, or scorn them?

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You don't want to know how much I want to punch some of the self-righteous assholes that have answered this already.

Is it worth my while to rant about this? Oh, why not. Even if no one reads it.

The reason I see the ban as something akin to Fascism (extreme I know, but you get my drift) is not coming from the standpoint of "As a smoker I should be allowed to smoke wherever I want". It's more that, with a total ban, I can't smoke anywhere. All my smoker friends who rent their accomodation can't smoke indoors since it would put them at risk of losing their deposits, because now I'd say it's incredibly rare for a private landlord to allow smoking on the premises, especially with short-term tennancies. So basically our only choice is: smoke outside. I don't think allowing smoking in all pubs is the answer, as that is just as unfair to non-smokers. The reasons I hate the ban are firstly, because I believe that pub landlords should have had the right to choose whether to allow smoking in their pubs or not. I don't think it's right to force a smoke-free policy since it would be fairer for the public to have the choice between smoking and non-smoking pubs. As a smoker, if I were to go out with my non-smoking friends, I'd be absolutely fine with going to a non-smoking pub and smoking my cigs outside, if that was what my friends preferred on that occasion. But when I'm out with a group of smokers I'd like to be able to choose to remain indoors and smoke, but we no longer have that choice. The second reason I hate the ban is because I think it's a blatant display of hypocrisy from the governments, who want to appease the non-smokers and also appear to be fighting to keep their country healthy, but at the same time knowing that they will never ban the sale of cigarettes completely, because they want the tax from tobacco sales. If cigarettes were banned altogether at least it would be consistent, but as it is I'm perfectly able to buy cigarettes with which to poison my lungs if I so choose (which I do), but I'm unable to smoke them anywhere. I don't think it will be long before there are campaigns to rid the streets of us smokers, too.

I've noticed some people have said "Just because it's legal doesn't make it alright, you filthy, filthy addicts". Umm, sorry but for me, that does make a HUGE difference. By allowing the sale and purchase of cigarettes, my government are giving me a CHOICE of whether to smoke or not. Don't get pissy with ME for exercising my democratic rights (haha) just because I didn't choose the way you wanted me to. Direct your anger at the government that are continuing to offer the choice to smoke, even though they have known for years about the ill health effects. As long as smoking is legal you have absolutely no fucking right to criticise me for what I choose to do, you have no fucking right to banish me from every pub in this country, any more than I would have the right to demand smoking in every pub. I do not expect to be able to smoke everywhere. Just fucking somewhere would be nice, because cigarettes ARE legal and nobody has the right to take away somebody's choice to visit a pub where you can smoke or, equally, one where you can't. It's the fact that I'm given the choice to smoke but not given the choice of anywhere to do it that stinks to me. It's inconsistent and hypocritical beyond belief.

And I don't see how any half-decent non-smoker could have a problem with retaining a certain percentage of pubs as smoking pubs. That way if your friends drag you to a smoking pub, your issue is with your friends, not random strangers who don't conform to your lifestyle choice.

Tags: rant, writer's block

Current Mood:

incensed

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10 October 2008 @ 02:36 am

Writer's Block: The Beatles

In their heyday, The Beatles were the center of the pop universe. Many groups have been hailed as the next Beatles, but does pop music even have a center anymore? Who represents the core of pop music to you?

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Here's my unpopular (lol) opinion, kids: I think that if any band has that kind of massive universal appeal (in this day and age), then there isn't jack shit worth listening to in it. I think that for anything to appeal to that many vastly different individuals, it must be pretty generalised and uncomplex. I think there are so many songs and bands that people can, like, totally relate to. Well guess what, so can several million other people. You're not special. That song isn't special. The writer doesn't 'get' you. You're just boring, like 90% of the world's population.

I just think that people are generally morons and anything that appeals to that many of them is generally not very intelligent. Intelligence alienates the public. Just ask the directors of programming at ITV, or the editors of the tabloids. Complexity, anything challenging, sure maybe back when music was still exciting and innovative, people were cool enough to understand the new trends as they happened. But labels now have even less respect for people than I do, and they sign bands that sound the same as already popular bands. They go for catchy.

So I think pop music today sucks. If I could choke to death every member of The Feeling and Scouting For Girls, I'd do it cheerfully.

Listen to metal, kids. Good metal, not that Marilyn Manson crap because all of the above applies to that shit. Or hell, listen to some Goddamn blues. When people had something to sing about.

Flame me if you want, I guarantee I'll have no good arguments, justifications or comebacks. This is just what I choose to believe to make myself and my own taste in music feel special. Yay me.

Tags: writer's block

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07 October 2008 @ 10:29 am

Writer's Block: Poetry

Today in 1955 Allen Ginsberg read his generation-defining poem "Howl" in public for the first time. It’s hard to imagine a poem having the same widespread impact today. Is poetry irrelevant to the best minds of our generation?

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These writer's block questions are getting too pretentious. Surely there is a middle-ground between these and "Wut's your favourite kind of caek"?

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25 September 2008 @ 08:57 pm

Something I wrote recently, because I only deal in short bursts of angst and longing and unfulfilment, apparently.

I guess this is something of my take on the whole 6-month-fight thing, and a possibility for the band dynamic now, following that whole train wreck.

Being me, of course it's Deron-centric. Weighs in at a relatively teeny 430 words.

x-posted to my journal and

cky_band_fic

( Clavicle )

Any and all feedback always appreciated.

Current Music: SWALLOW THE SUN

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05 September 2008 @ 02:47 pm

Writer's Block: Sharing Haikus

The Japanese haiku poet Basho once wrote, "Old pond / a frog jumps / the sound of water." Try writing some of your own haikus about the little things in your life. A haiku generally consists of a five-syllable line, a seven-syllable line and a second five-syllable line. You can also use any combination of ten-to-fourteen syllables.

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The first time I saw
you was the only time I
actually saw you.

*

Every time you leave
you take my senses with you,
pulse in your pocket.

*

I wrote both of those recently. Don't claim them to be any good but hey. The things I was feeling just didn't want to be expressed in any more length than that.

Tags: writer's block

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26 August 2008 @ 02:43 am

Connie's profound thought for the day #2:
All of the people who talk about or decide what society wants and needs, are totally out of touch with society.

Tags: musings, politics

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24 August 2008 @ 10:48 pm

Writer's Block: Your Threads

What does your favorite "you" outfit consist of?

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My tight black jeans, blue stripy top with short-sleeved black shirt over it. My awesome shoes. And my piercings are an integral part of how I look, that's a given.

My dress sense is actually mellowing, or I'd have said my bondage trousers by Criminal Damage. I do still love them, though. I don't wear my bandanna anymore either, but that used to be essential.

My tight black jeans though, I don't know how I lived in baggy trousers for so long. They're teh sex. And I adore my short-sleeved black shirt (which is really more grey now since I've had it for 4 years or so, but I can't find another as good!). I like to wear a lot of black, with occasional colour. Hot pink is my fave. I like band t-shirts.

Connie's profound thought for the day #1:
Every new person that I love, I discover another piece of who I am.

Tags: musings, thoughts on love, writer's block

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13 August 2008 @ 01:06 pm

Writer's Block: Your Invention...

If you could invent one thing and make it a reality, what would it be? Why?

Submitted By citrus_scented

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I always wished there was a machine that could record your dreams. Like, you'd stick some little pads to your head then go to sleep, and the pads would output your brainwaves to a machine that could convert them into a sensory recording of what you were dreaming.

I want one because I love the idea of dreams, how symbolic and crazy they can be, and I love analysing mine (not in a stupid 'a tooth falling out means someone will die' way, I think that's dumb. More in a psychological, 'I dreamed I was on a train and really excited, I guess I probably want to travel' kind of way. Does that make sense?) Anyway, yeah. I like analysing my dreams for subconscious stuff, but so often when the alarm goes off or I roll over or something, I will forget all of the details. Also, I've had some awesome dreams that I would like to be able to re-live!

And you know sometimes when you dream something fantastic, then forget it and it bugs you so much? Like one time I swear someone told me the meaning of life in a dream and it made total sense, but when I woke up it was either gibberish or I just couldn't remember what they said. That's so frustrating!

So yeah. Dream recorder ftw.

OH, ALSO I really want a food replicator like they have on Star Trek, just because that'd be freakin' sweet. Eating whatever you want whenever you want without having to buy or make it...mmm...

Tags: writer's block

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12 August 2008 @ 08:20 pm

Writer's Block: A Posthumous Oscar for Joker?

Do you think Heath Ledger deserves the Oscar for his role in the Dark Knight?

Submitted By quinnpuddin

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I wasn't that into the film (too long, and I'm not an 'action' fan really) but he was definitely the best thing in it. His acting made it infinitely more interesting and watchable for me. And I'm not particularly a fan of his so the fact that he's dead didn't affect my judgement. So yeah, I think he deserves the Oscar.

Tags: writer's block

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10 August 2008 @ 09:53 pm

Writer's Block: Invisibility On

What would you do if you were invisible for 24 hours?

Submitted By l_amanda

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I would either a) find some way of inducing my friends to talk about me, and eavesdrop on what they said, or b) find some way of making millions of pounds through being invisible. Possibly just by stealing a lot of stuff.

Tags: writer's block

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14 July 2008 @ 11:14 am

FIELDS OF THE NEPHILIM

Ahhhhhhhh!!

The gigs were astounding.

We were on the barrier both nights.

They have a new guiarist since Helldone but he is hot as well, and looks a lot younger =P [ETA: This is kinda complicated, but actually this particular guitarist WAS in the band last time, BUT we weren't on his side, we were on the other guitarist's side who HAS now been replaced...]

The lights & dry ice looked fantastic.

They were filming both nights.

Setlists:
Night 1
Shroud
Straight to the Light
Trees Come Down
For Her Light
Endemoniada
Penetration
Wail of Sumer
And there will your heart be also
Shine
Psychonaut
*
From the Fire
Moonchild
*
Mourning Sun

Night 2
Harmonica Man
Preacher Man
From the Fire
Penetration
Moonchild
Reqiuem
Xiberia
Dawnrazor
The Sequel
The Watchman
Mourning Sun
*
Zoon III
Last Exit for the Lost
*
Celebrate

2 encores both nights, yep yep. adgsagfgasdjfgsdka 'Peneration' twice, and 'Mourning Sun'! 'Shine', 'Xiberia', 'Zoon III' (!!!), 'Last Exit For The Lost', 'Dawnrazor', 'And There Will Your Heart Be Also' (!!!) agdhgshfjkaksg...amazing!!

2nd night was better in a lot of ways. Just me and my mum (no Jeff), we had a sit down since we were by the barrier, we had a couple of beers, the sound was louder since we were closer to the speaker stacks, AND we had a lil wishlist of songs they hadn't played the 1st night AND THEY DID EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM =D =D More songs we knew generally.

So, this isn't much of a review.

But it's hard to put into words.

It was just an amazing experience.

And I'm glad I was there.

And hot guitarist is hot.

Tags: gig, music, review

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05 July 2008 @ 07:04 pm

Writer's Block: The Best Thing You've Done

If you were to die now, at this moment, what would you think of as the best thing you've ever done in your life?

Submitted By weyyytictacs

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This is a really hard and thought-provoking question, because I really haven't done anything that I'm especially proud of.

Give me a minute to think about it...

I suppose I could say my degree, but in all honesty that doesn't mean a lot to me.

Really, all it comes down to is love. I have loved many people, as family, friends and as partners, and though it hasn't always ended well, all I can hope is that by loving people, I might have made their lives a tiny bit better, for a time.

So if I was to die right now, I would say the best thing I've ever done is to feel love.

Is that trite?

Tags: writer's block

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16 June 2008 @ 01:00 am

Writer's Block: Favorite Lyrics

What song lyrics would you love to have written, and why?

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As something of a poet there are a hell of a lot of songs I wish I'd written. The first one that spring to mind is Jimmy Eat World's '23'. It's so simple but so painful to listen to and think about, and it's made me cry more than once. Really, really emotive lyrics that I find myself quoting over and over again in my journal.

'I won't always love what I'll never have, I won't always live in my regrets'

'You'll sit alone forever if you wait for the right time, what are you hoping for?'

'Disintegration' by the same band is really powerful as well. A lot of Death Cab For Cutie lyrics as well. It's funny because musically I'm a metalhead (I live for heavily distorted guitar riffs) but lyrically, this indie stuff really hits hard, and I'd love to be able to write such beautiful, painful, bittersweet love songs as Ben Gibbard and Jim Adkins.

Tags: writer's block

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13 May 2008 @ 08:19 pm

New Death Cab album...

...is very good!

I don't understand, though, why 'I Will Possess Your Heart' is the lead-off single. It's the worst on the album. Now I am into my fair share of progressive bands so an 8-minute song is not an instant turn-off for me. But there just isn't enough substance in this one to justify the length. Lyrically it's particularly weak. Musically it is growing on me I must admit. But it's the kind of thing that's inoffensive as background music. Fans are defending it as 'complex', but...it really isn't. It's very simple, and so it feels sprawling and self-indulgent.

Track one 'Bixby Canyon Bridge' almost suffers the same fate, but it has enough going on to escape more or less unscathed. Death Cab have never been about long songs, though, and while I can understand experimentation, I think they should have started smaller.

When Death Cab are keeping themselves more in check, though, Narrow Stairs is pretty killer. 'No Sunlight' is punchy and melodic, instantly hooks you in and then ends. Really effective way to leave you wanting more. Next song 'Cath...' is also a very good indie/pop song, lightweight and it sounds good.

'Talking Bird' is a little dull. Then 'You Can Do Better Than Me' is again incredibly short. I sense a theme of contrasts going on in this album, long/short, slow and brooding/lightweight and upbeat, epic/disposable. I do like that idea but some parts work better than others.

'Grapevine Fires' is a very nice track, and 'Your New Twin-Sized Bed' is the emotional punch of the album, a relatively simple lyric but delivered with Gibbard's usual finesse to make it a starkly depressing moment.

'Pity And Fear' has a riff in it that's bordering on metal, which coming from Death Cab was a real shocker.

All in all I think Narrow Stairs is strong, definitely worth your time if you can get past the occasional self-indulgence. One thing I would say is that I don't think it's as ground-breaking as reviews have been claiming. Especially on the more lightweight songs, Death Cab are really not treading much new ground here. But why change a good thing, right? So check it out!

Tags: music, recs, review

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08 May 2008 @ 11:30 pm

!!!

Derren Brown: [doing a memory trick with coffee beans] "I want you to keep half an eye on me to make sure I don't do anything like flick the bean off...that'd be a first."

ASFDHG AHAHAHAHA HE'S SO GAY OMG I LOVE HIM!! =D

Yeah, that's all.

Oh wait, also, I really want Sawyer/Claire 'Lost' fic. I do I do I do. It's surely going to become cannon at some point sooooon? But I wouldn't trust the writers to do it well, so I want someone to write fic dammit! Why haven't they?? What the hell is happening to me, I'm not a slasher anymore wtf?? =S

Tags: fic talk, lost, random

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05 May 2008 @ 04:29 am

Writer's Block: Fictional Character

What fictional character do you relate to most and why?

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At the moment I'm reading Graham Greene's The End of the Affair, and I'm finding that I can relate to Sarah really well. Not so much in what she does, as in how she sees herself. "If I'm a bitch and a fake, is there nobody who will love a bitch and a fake?" she says at one point. Yeah.

I remember relating a lot to Lauren from Bret Easton Ellis' The Rules of Attraction as well. So it seems that I relate to sluts, hahaha. But really, I relate to these women because of how much they overanalyze themselves, and their relationships with men. I'm like a slut without the sex? I do fall in love about twenty times a day =P

Tags: writer's block

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27 April 2008 @ 04:13 pm

The new Opeth album...

Watershed. It leaked, and I downloaded it. Yes, I am a bad person, blah blah blah.

So far, I am not enthused. Am only on track 3, but basically it is way too Dream Theater for me. I like DT, but, ya know, I'd put on one of their albums if I wanted Hammond organs and proggy lead guitars.

There are heavier sections, which is good.

But the songs lack cohesion. Opeth has always been about quick changes, switching up tempo and volume, but they have always done it well. On Ghost Reveries, their last album, the longer tracks just flow without you even realising that the music is constantly shifting, growing, expanding till it's 10 minutes later that the song ends, and you still want more. Watershed, so far, isn't doing that.

As soon as track 1 started though, I didn't like it. Starting with this folksy bit where the vocal melody was just horrible. And I like my albums to start with a punch, quite frankly. So I don't think opening with an accoustic section was the way to go, boys.

So the first two tracks, there were good bits but they were passed over too quickly in favour of these meandering folksy sections and, like I said, a lot of the lead work is suspiciously Dream Theater-esque. It feels like the heavy parts are just there as filler, and they're way too choppy. Opeth always knew how to keep a good riff going, now it feels like they're trying so hard to feel 'progressive' that the song writing is suffering. Like they are rejecting melody and catchy hooks and trying to be 'difficult'.

And track 3 is just mid-tempo and boring, quite frankly.

We'll see if it gets any better...

ETA: It didn't =/

Also, Chris totally stood me up today! Last night we made plans to go clothes shopping, and he never showed up hahaha. My guess is he was up all night on campus, then went home and fell asleep =P I'm not pissed off at all because I was in town for milkshake with Sara anyway, so when I texted him and he didn't reply I just went home. It's weirdly fun, I've never been stood up before Lol =P

And P.S. the new episode of Lost was awesome!! =D

Tags: lost, music, review

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24 April 2008 @ 11:46 am

My dissertation. My dissertation, it is done.

That is all =D

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24 April 2008 @ 01:17 am

My horoscope for Thursday mentions this big opportunity again, telling me if I turn it down I will live to regret it. oOo I am getting all excited now!! This will seem stupid to everyone who doesn't believe in astrology, I know =P But something big is coming and I am eager with anticipation!! Year wheel says May is a new opportunity/passion and it's so close to May now so yay...let's hope =D

Oh, and I remembered what I am going to write about in my third chapter. Now I just have to actually write it. Need to burn, print and bind it by 3pm. Current wordcount as of 1.20am: 7,869.

2.07am: have passed 8,000 words. w00t.

2.21am: in retrospect, looking at magic eye pictures at this point was not a particularly smart idea. Now my eyes feel broken.

2.37am: 8,211.

4.11am: 8,519. My 3 chapters are basically finished. I have done most of my bibliography. I just need to finish off my introduction and conclusion, woohoo!

8.57am: 9,337. FINISHED! 100% completed. On disc, ready to print and get bound!! Woohoo!! =D =D

Tags: academic, astrology

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23 April 2008 @ 06:57 pm

My dissertation's due in tomorrow, and it's not finished yet. I've been working hard the last 2 days to get it done and I've fucked my brain up so much doing it. Sleeping 5 or 6 hours between 9am and 3pm, the last 2 days, up all night trying to write and arg. I feel so disconnected from reality and sleep-deprived and sick right now from the coffee taste in my mouth, and I still haven't been working fast enough and I'm still not that stressed and I peaked too early so now, I just can't write. I feel like I can't finish this, but it needs to be done by about 7am so I can print it and get it bound by 3pm tomorrow but the separation of days has pretty much lost all meaning to me now. Some of what I have is good but oh God oh God I can't keep working on it, I'm going mad and I've run out of things to say and there's not enough secondary material and theory in there and I've written everything I can write well about already. MEH.

Current Mood:

meh!

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21 April 2008 @ 04:32 pm

Okay wtf...so Palahniuk is gay, Easton Ellis is bisexual, and Coupland is gay as well?? Fuck, I have really missed a trick with my dissertation here. I am writing about homosexuality in Palahniuk, but really it obviously informs the whole damn genre of post-modern transgressional American literature. Obviously not enough time now to change what I'm doing, unfortunately. But I find this so fascinating. It's a link I'm surprised more people haven't made...it's all influenced by repressed homosexuality, hahaha. 'Generation X' haha.

ETA: Jesus Gods I wish I hadn't just had to re-read most of American Psycho for my dissertation, that book fucks with my mind so much...I mean it's brilliant but it's so twisted I can't handle it properly. My brain spins into run-on sentences and all I can think about is the sex and the gore. God. I've only written 500 words so far today, I need to do about 4 times that at a minimum. Dammit. Hate this book. I feel so weirded out now. I cannot fathom how Bret Easton Ellis ever wrote this without having a complete mental breakdown.

Tags: academic, random

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21 April 2008 @ 03:43 pm

According to Deron, CKY have stopped the feuding and the silent treatment. The fight is over, and CKY are still a band, just in case anybody is still interested.

I'm not.

Tags: cky

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14 April 2008 @ 05:20 pm

Ahahahahaha this is fucking brilliant:

Erotically Tripping

"Connie tripped along gruffly. She was on her way to meet her lover, Deron, for Valentine's Day. She smiled to see a gopher hopping along, carrying a cigarette in its mouth.

Connie was almost in the ass when she came across a muscular cake, lying alone on a hairy plate. "That must be a treat from my tangy bear," she said to herself, and tripped over to it. The cake looked smooth, so she ate it.

It gave her the most glossy tingling sensation in her hair. "How unusual!" she said and continued tripping to see Deron.

When Deron came out to meet her, he took one look and fell over.

"What is it?" Connie cried brutally.

"Your mouth! And your cock!" Deron said. "They're rough! Can't you feel it?"

Connie felt her mouth and her cock. They were indeed quite rough. "Oh, no!" Connie said. "I'm a man!" She, or rather, he started to cry. "It must have been that muscular cake you left for me. Did you know what it would do?"

"I didn't leave you any cake," Deron said. "I got you a hair band. It must have been that sexy man who lives nearby. He acts a little maniacally, ever since he pushed a whiskey."

"But how can you ever love me, now that I'm a man?" Connie sobbed.

"Well, I never knew how to tell you this," Deron said excitedly, "but I actually prefer men. And I think your mouth is really pungent like that."

"Really?" Connie dried his tears. Connie kissed Deron and it was an entirely strong sensation, like a jackhammer at full speed.

They spent the night having entirely strong sex, until the cake wore off suddenly.

Everything was rather awkward after that."

Random drabble generator =D

*dries tears of laughter*

Tags: random

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26 March 2008 @ 04:27 am

Deron-centric double-drabbles

I wrote. For the first time in fuckin' ages.

I did a meme recently where you had to write for the first five random songs that came on your playlist. And I liked it so much I basically did it again.

I wanted to write 5 sex scenes featuring Deron Miller, based on 5 songs. And they ended up coming around full circle. I've never done one of those '5 things/times' fic memes either, so this is also one of those.

I've put snippets of the lyrics at the start of each drabble, and I would strongly recommend finding downloads for the songs because I am biased and think my taste in music is fantastic, hah. The titles are the song titles, I've credited the bands after the lyrics.

You should possibly expect more of these. I love music and I love tortured!Deron and I love that this combination has got me writing fic again!

And yes, I did stay up until 4.30am finishing and posting these. Feedback, therfore, would be gorgeous. Even if Deron doesn't do it for you, I just want to know that I can still write decently enough. Cheers.

x-posted to my journal and

cky_band_fic

Title: Even If You Want Me To: Five Times Deron Was Almost Saved.
Pairings/characters: Chad/Deron, Jess/Deron, Tim Yeung/Deron, Felissa/Deron. Slash and het.
Genre: Sex and a shitload of angst.
Rating: Overall, NC-17 for sex.
Word Count: 1,000, broken up into 5 200-word sections

( There's a devil waiting outside your door... )

Tags: cky fic, fic, music, recs, slash, writing

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25 March 2008 @ 04:19 pm

Writer's Block: What? Everyone Doesn't Like Me?

Why do you think it is some people don't get along with you?

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I think there are a few reasons. The most obvious that makes it difficult for me to make new friends, is my shyness and social awkwardness. Not so bad but I know for a fact it's been mistaken for coldness or lack of interest before, so my shyness can kind of make people think I just don't want to be talking to them.

Also, sometimes I genuinely don't want to know people, so I don't make the effort ahahaha. I don't tend to have casual friends if you get me, I have a few people I genuinely get on with and spend a lot of time with, I don't really bother making friends in my seminar groups or on nights out just to chit chat with a couple of times. I can be kind of a bitch like that.

So yeah - shyness and bitchiness!

Tags: writer's block

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23 March 2008 @ 12:35 am

I saw this meme in one of my comms and thought it would be the perfect way to get me writing again because dear God, I haven't written fic since like October!

1. Pick a character, pairing, or fandom you like.
2. Put iTunes or equivalent media player on random.
3. For each song that plays, write something related to the theme you picked inspired by the song. You have only the time frame of the song: no planning beforehand: you start when it starts, and no lingering afterward; once the song is over, you stop writing. (No fair skipping songs either; you have to take what comes by chance!)
4. Do 5 of these, then post.

I cheated because I had a playlist already playing of songs I like a lot, so it's not totally 100% random. Also, one of the songs was 13 minutes long =D But hey I wrote!

I'm posting here because let's be honest, no one checks the

cky_band_fic comm any more. This way you f-listers will be inflicted with my ~~terrible~~ writing, muahahaha! Overall I'd give these a PG-13.

I am very, very rusty it must be said.

And obviously I picked Deron.

Note the snippets of lyrics I included in the fics because ~~I couldn't think of my own words~~ I am cool =P

( Read more... )

Tags: cky fic, memes, writing

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16 March 2008 @ 08:33 pm

I might actually buy some CDs this year! It's a tricky thing though, since now that I can hook my iPod up through my hifi speakers, I literally don't listen to music on CD any more.

Buttt...the new Arsis tracks are fucking killer. And Death Cab have a new album out this year. And there's the possibility of a new Swallow The Sun (they've given us a title for it so presumably it's near enough completion for a 2008 release). And all 3 of these bands, I've not spent a dime on so far, it's all been downloaded. And they're 3 bands I would really like to support because they're all amazing...STS especially right now are my favourite band, I've been playing them almost non-stop lately and after Helldone and everything, I really feel like I should support them monetarily! I know one album sale doesn't make a difference but it's the principle, ya know? My favourite band, they make music that I absolutely adore.

So yeah, I might buy these albums and, well, once they're on my iPod the CDs might as well be drinks coasters to be honest. But what the hell.

Oh, I spoke to my mummy who fixes all things, and once again I feel better because no duh, I'm crazy about my boyfriend and it just scares me shitless, is all. Don't let anyone ever tell you that love is easy, kids. It's the hardest and most complicated thing you will ever go through.

Tags: music, thoughts on love

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05 March 2008 @ 09:53 pm

Albums I have been rocking lately
1. Kent - Hagnesta Hill
Genre: Indie
Kent have a really good sound. It's mellow but it's layered, there is a lot going on here. The vocals are probably not to everyone's taste but I happen to find them really fitting to the music, kind of a haunted wail at times. This is melancholic but very listenable, and lyrically pretty good for a band with English as their second language. From the swaying groove of The King Is Dead (which incidentally Charon do a rocking cover of which I actually heard before I knew about Kent) to the sparse, delicate Cowboys which is really genius in its use of sound, this album is just really enjoyable to sit back, chill out and listen to. I'd recommend it to anyone who likes The Smiths, Coldplay, Death Cab, really anything like that.
Track recs: Cowboys, Revolt III, The King Is Dead

( Read more... )

Others of note: (see also: Connie couldn't be bothered to do a full review)
VNV Nation - Judgement
I'm no good at genres...this is Darkwave or EBM or something...it's what goths dance to in nightclubs anyway =P And if you know me at all you'll know I've never really listened to anything that could be classed as dance, so this is really something! If you like Depeche Mode ('90s period) or anything like that I'd suggest you check this out - it's hypnotic, melodic, the vocals are sexy and lyrically it's a pretty depressing commentary on society. Also I challenge you not to cry to Illusion.
Track recs: Illusion, Testament

Paradise Lost - One Second
See, I am definitely leaning towards the more synthesised side of music lately (not to mention the goth). The Depeche Mode thing applies here as well, the influence is undeniable. It's goth, it's poppy (in a good way), dark and heavy enough to get the job done. Tails off towards the end but at least five tracks on here are killer.
Track recs: Say Just Words, Another Day, Lydia

Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds - Let Love In
What do I need to say about this? If you haven't heard it already you have no excuse (and I'm a latecomer myself =P). Creepy as hell, gothic with a twisted rock and roll streak, this album is just dark and gorgeous. Nick Cave will haunt you in your dreams, he's just the master.
Track recs: Red Right Hand, I Let Love In, Loverman

Fields of the Nephilim - Mourning Sun
It's Chris's influence, alright? I can't help it, I am definitely liking a touch of gothic lately. Atmosphere is what this album is all about. It's richly textured and just a little bit demented. Best played loud after dark. The guitars aren't forefront here but it's a wall of sound. New Gold Dawn is just gorgeous too, melodic and aching.
Track recs: New Gold Dawn, Xiberia

Charon - The Dying Daylights
Like HIM? Like The 69 Eyes? Then you should be listening to Charon! This album is heavier than what you'll get from HIM, it's a kicking slice of rock with that melodic lift that the Finns seem to have an uncanny knack for. At its best it's driving and just dark enough to satisfy that craving...try and get the bonus tracks for that version of The King Is Dead I mentioned, and also Built For My Ghosts which is a great song.
Track recs: In Trust Of No One, Drive, Religious/Delicious

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27 February 2008 @ 01:37 am

!!!

Holy fuck, we had an earthquake?? In England?? Call me superstitious but I think maybe God is trying to tell us something...

It wasn't too bad here, just wobbled the house a little, but definitely noticeable. Holy hell, we get earthquakes now, wtf!

Current Mood:

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26 February 2008 @ 11:05 pm

Oh, whoops. For my creative project thingy, I just read this: "You MUST get permission from your tutor to interact with a text outside of the course." Memento...isn't on the course. Sheizer. I think I could get in the 60's for this project for execution and intent, butttt...now it looks like I'll get marked down for failing to read the instructions properly. Oh man =( I kind of tenuously link it in to Sin City which IS on the course, so mmmmmaybe it'll be okay? Fuck, I'm an idiot. All this hard work ~~haha all 2 days worth~~ for nothing. =(

P.S. smoking is actually helping to CLEAR my sinuses at the moment, wtf? =D

Current Mood:

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17 February 2008 @ 03:09 pm

Writer's Block: It's Hard to Describe

What is one thing you struggle to describe?

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This is an interesting one for me. I struggle to describe everything in two ways. Firstly, as a speaker. I find that while I can pour my soul out into my beloved Live Journal, when it comes to talking about how I feel, I lose 90% of my eloquence. I freeze up. I find it very difficult to talk about my emotions sometimes, and my vocabulary and style also seems to be a lot better when it comes to the written word.

Secondly, as a writer. I try to find new ways to describe the ordinary, and I can never find any. My writing suffers because I just can't find new words to describe my experiences.

I long to be able to paint vivid pictures with my words, carve out landscapes unique to my visions and immerse others in my internal world. But my tongue and my fingers fail me time and time again.

And, as always, it's love that proves to be the most indescribable thing of all.

Tags: writer's block

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14 February 2008 @ 12:52 am

Writer's Block: Hard to Say I'm Sorry

Is there anything you've done that you wish you'd apologized for, but didn't?

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My first boyfriend, I ended up jerking around a bit. I was young and confused and didn't realise I might be hurting people until a long time after the fact. And he probably wouldn't care anymore, but I wish I had apologised for that because he was a decent guy. Maybe one day I will.

[first one of these I've bothered answering, not sure why this one in particular struck me]

Tags: writer's block

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11 January 2008 @ 08:47 pm

It's like, I feel that I'm a good person. I feel that I can be a good friend and a good girlfriend, and I enjoy spending time with people and I enjoy the material pleasures of life. But it's just that I don't do all of the things that really make up living. Those bits that you don't enjoy but you have to get through all the same. I just don't do them.

Tags: self-analysis

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